This a typical conversation second day conversation that I have with a Health Conscious Female Client (HCFC)
HCFC: Thanks for education me on proper breakfasts!
CP: You are welcome!
HCFC: I am not very clear on quantities, how much should meat and nuts should I eat?
CP: For a start, a side of beef plus 3 kilos of pistachios.
CP: Just kidding. For the meat, there is a formula developed by a Japanese fan of mine, Kamenashi. It goes like this: You take your bodyweight in kilos, you divide by atomic mass of the most common earth element of your place of birth, you multiply by the numeric value of your date of birth, condensed by using standard numerology, you divide by the square root of the age in days of when your first molar tooth appeared. Just kidding again; write this down: Any nutritionist that gives you an exact number in grams for a food is either a closet food Nazi or a twirp, or a combination of both.
Listen, you have to retrain yourself to make the distinction between your mouth and a vacuum. I never give quantities in food programs. Just go by appetite.
HCFC: But my previous nutritionist told me it is crucial to count calories…
CP: Did the advice work?
HCFC: No, not really…that is why I am here…I guess
CP: Was she fat?
HCFC: Yes…very fat!
CP: Where her hips much wider than her shoulders?
CP: Classic case of you are what you eat, she goes by the food pyramid, she is shaped like one!
HCFC: You are ruthless!
CP: Actually, just observant!
HCFC: What should I drink at breakfast?
CP: Any type of organic coffee or tea, and/or water.
HCFC: Can I drink soy milk?
CP: Was that part of the list of the beverages given above?
CP: There you go.
HCFC: But…it makes me feel great!
CP: So does cocaine.
HCFC: Soy milk is healthy for you!
CP: Get off your granola fed high horse. Check the ingredient list on your soy milk and you can be sure you will find a lot of sugar. It will have all sort of names ranging from evaporated, cane sugar, barley malt, rice sugar, fructose, corn syrup.
No matter the manufacturers call it, it is sugar. The most likely reason that you feel “energetic” after drinking your soy milk is that you are getting an sugar buzz.
The second reason being that the soy estrogens are stimulating your thyroid
. For most individuals, this induces a mildly hyperactive thyroid with very short-term energy gain. The down side is that over the long run your thyroid crashes, sinking into hypothyroidism. That translates into poor energy levels, brain fog, loss of brain function etc.. Put it this way, the short term benefits are not worth the long term negative effects.
HCFC: But is says on the bottle that it is organic.
HCFC: You are kidding again aren’t you.
CP: No, 76% of statistics are made up on the spot. Yes, I am kidding about the shopping thing, but not for the ailments brought on by soy. Regarding sperm count, Dr. Chavarro and colleagues studied 100 men who were members of couples having trouble getting pregnant. Semen analyses showed that the men with the highest levels of soy food intake approximately a half serving per day – had 41 million sperm per milliliter fewer than men who did not consume any soy. The researchers used a questionnaire listing 15 soybased foods to determine soy consumption over the preceding three months.
HCFC: What about soy protein?
HCFC: What about soy burgers?
HCFC: What about soy chips?
HCFC: What about soy lollypops?
CP: Enough. If you were a male, I would have already roundhouse kicked you to the temple with steel toe capped construction boots.
HCFC: I'm soy sorry
CP: What are your two take home points for today?
1. Any health professional who is hung into measuring portions and counting calories is übertwirpvoll!
2. Soy is indeed for dorks, losers, and lawyers.
CP: Soy long!