By Charles Poliquin©
Today, we are looking at our fourth interview with your typical 19-year-old-skinny-know-it-all-twirp who comes into the gym limping as if he did six Krav Maga classes in a row. Remember the maxim: no kick in the balls, no Krav Maga.
CP: What is up face de pet?
SKITAT: I can’t walk, was going to order a wheelchair to come to my appointment.
CP: You are indeed walking like the youngest inmate at Riker’s Island after Rookie Night.
SKITAT: My legs feel like I got beat up by a kendo class on PCP.
CP: A lot more challenging than goblet squats and planks isn’t it?
SKITAT: My legs are so stiff you could play the banjo on my hamstrings.
CP: As my sensei Web Corcoran used to say, it is only pain. Let’s talk about a meal plan so you can recover properly from workouts.
Here is a sample day:
7:00 Upon awakening:
40 grams of Whey Protein or 30g of Immune Supreme
10 grams of Glutamine
3 capsules of Yang R-ALA
8:00 Breakfast:
200-300 grams of buffalo
handful of pecans
Coffee, tea, or water
10 grams of glutamine in enough water to wash down.
9:30 -10:30 During training
20 capsules of BCAA Excellence 2.0
6 Carnitine Synergy
1-10 Beta-Alanine Supreme
10:30 Post workout
Protein drink:
40 grams of Whey protein
12 ounces of grape juice
2 scoops of Quadricarb
12 ounces of water
10 grams of Glutamine
12:00 Lunch
200-300 grams of scallops, salad, sweet potato with butter.
10 grams of glutamine in enough water to wash down.
15:00 Snack
Mixture of 2/3 nuts 1/3 dried fruit. Make your own concoction. About 1/3 of it should consist of dried fruits (apricots, blueberries, Thompson raisins, figs, cherries, mango slices), and 2/3 should be nuts (pistachios, cashews, walnuts, dates, pecans, Brazil nuts, hazelnuts, macadamias, almonds) and seeds (pumpkin, sesame).
10 grams of glutamine in enough water to wash down.
17:30 Dinner
200-300 grams of turkey, 2 green vegetables with butter, one to two cups of rice.
10 grams of glutamine in enough water to wash down.
20:30 Evening snack
200-300 grams of cottage cheese, with 2 scoops of whey stronger mixed in, add a handful of raisins.
10 grams of glutamine in enough water to wash down.
SKITAT: I am very confused.
CP: Why is that Cara como un culo?
SKITAT: The diet is too vague.
CP: Enlighten me mordeur d’oreiller.
SKITAT: You say 200 to 300 grams of buffalo for example. Should I have 200 or 300 grams?
CP: Listen carefully my puny OCDS friend, there are two concepts you should be familiar with:
1. appetite
2. variability
The numbers are mere guidelines. The 200 grams minimum indicating that you need at least that to get going, and 300 being the upper limit because I still want you to have an appetite for let’s say the pecans for instance. If it is a Monday morning, maybe 200 grams will be pushing it, Tuesday morning after legs, you will ravish 300 grams. You don’t have to carry a scale with you and start weighing your food like all the fitness bunnies who develop eating disorders after doing their first figure show. Any coach who makes you weigh your food should be sentenced to ammunition testing.
SKITAT: Ammunition testing?
CP: Yes the army should be allowed to test ballistics on them and child molesters. Every single week I do at least one consult for some poor girl who had no eating disorders issues until she met some whack job who insisted on her weighing food and doing stupid things like counting exactly the amount of almonds she ate.
SKITAT: Are you serious?
CP: Of course I am serious, maybe the ballistics studies would reveal shooting them with a 0.40 caliber would be sufficient, and a 0.45 caliber would be too much. The less lead in the environment, the better it is for everybody.
SKITAT: No, I meant about the range of food quantity.
CP: Oh right. Yes indeed. Whether you are trying to get ripped or putting on size, you should be able to regulate your appetite accordingly.
SKITAT: By the way, your political views seem slightly to the right of Attila the Hun.
CP: Please do not ever compare me that left wing bleeding heart.
SKITAT: So buffalo, scallops and turkey are the best mass building meats?
CP: What part of “sample day” did you not get? Every day, your goal should be to vary your foods. So for breakfast, Monday could be buffalo, Tuesday chicken, Wednesday halibut etc.. Vary your foods often, this way you will put in a lot different nutrients in your body.
SKITAT: Why are you making me eat butter? Isn’t that bad for you.
CP: Listen to me you little lipophobic, butter supplies butyric acid, a short-chain fatty acid essential to your health It works by helping L. acidophilus and B. bifidum adhere to intestinal lining and helps increase the natural healing mechanism of the gut tissue. The healthier your gut lining, the better your immune system, the better your immune system, the easier it is to build muscle mass. Plus research shows that the vitamin A & D contained in butter enhance mineral absorption from the vegetables.
SKITAT: Why are you making me take in such high amounts of glutamine.
CP: Skinny little twirps like you always test positive for poor intestinal absorption, and leaky gut syndrome, especially if they were like you using a boat load of stimulants. Stimulants create leaky gut syndrome. Glutamine is the primary ingredient for rebuilding the lining of the intestines. We are only going to do this for 21 days. No point eating good food if you are not going to absorb it.
SKITAT: Okay, but why such a wide range of the Beta-alanine supplement?
CP: The need for beta-alanine is very specific to the individual. Start with one, every workout add one spaced evenly through the workout. If it takes seven caps to get a tingling, go back down to six next workout. As a rule of thumb, the more muscle mass, and the more fast-twitch you have, the more beta-alanine you can take AND benefit from. The most I have ever seen someone take was 42 during a workout, but he could bench 250% of bodyweight raw.
CP: So gosseux, what are your two take home points?
SKITAT:
1. Food, not supplements is what makes you grow
2. Vary your food every day.
Glossary of insults
Face de pet: French for fart face.
Cara como un culo: Spanish for face like an ass.
Mordeur d’oreiller: French for pillow biter.
Gosseux: From French-Canadian slang for testicle, means irritating character that constantly nagging or doing nothing. Can also be substituted for Democrat.